A tribute to the South

I wish I could take claim to this genius, but I can't, I can only say I edited it a little.  To all of my southern friends out there, you will be able to relate to this. 

 

 

Southern women Know their summer weather report:
Humidity
Humidity
Humidity

Southern women know their vacation spots:
The beach
The rivuh
The crick
Southern women know everybody's first name:
Honey
Darlin'
Shugah
Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:
Fried Green Tomatoes
Driving Miss Daisy
Steel Magnolias
Gone With The Wind
Southern women know their religions:

Christian

Car Racing

Football
Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:Chawl'stn

S'vanah
Foat Wuth
N'awlins
Addlanna
Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:
Men in uniform
Men in tuxedos
Rhett Butler
Southern girls know their prime real estate:
The Mall
The Country Club
The Beauty Salon
Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food
Suthen-ism's:
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc, make up "a mess."

Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."
Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "drectly" is, as in: "Going to town, be back drectly."
Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table..
All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and " a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and Po white trash.

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines.  And when we're "in line,".  We talk to everybody!

Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural.

Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!

Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it, we do not like our tea unsweetened.  "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway.  You just say,"Bless her heart".  And go your own way. 

Southerners also know that "BLESS HER HEART" also means..."You're Stupid"

And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!
Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah !

This week from Dave

It is 2012, that quadrennial year of two great competitions, the international love fest that we call the Summer Olympic Games held this time in London and a slugfest for the American Presidency.  Mix in an Iranian nuclear threat in the Hormuz Straits, Occupy Whatever/Whenever/Whoever emerging from winter hibernation, and the Astros’ last season in the National League, and you have a rich recipe for a memorable year.  So in honor of my Asian friends who name their years after animals, both real and mythical, I declare 2012 the “Year of the Question”.  I do not think that I am infringing on any copyright or trademark, but if I am I apologize in advance.

So, what is the question?  I believe the question is “Which is more important, Freedom or Security”?  Say what, you do not think that is the question of 2012.  You are more interested in who wins the Presidency (important, but not most important).  Or if gold will break through $2000 per ounce (should have gotten some of that about 10 years ago).  Or will the Cubs win the World Series (I do not think there is anyone alive on this planet who personally remembers the Cubs winning the World Series, it was only 1908 and 6 years before Wrigley Field was built).  No, I am sticking with my question, Freedom or Security.

At first brush, many people would say that both are important and that is true.  Our Bill of Rights speaks of various Freedoms and one of our most beloved national institutions is Social Security.  So a natural response would be yes, we can have both.  But is that true?  If you start with a scale of Security on the far left and Freedom on the far right you will see if you move either left or right, you have to give up some of one for the other.  Consider this; a jail cell is a secure environment.  But what do most people in jail want.  They want to get out. Why?  They want their freedom.  But also consider complete freedom where you live only by your success or your failure.  Since most people always fail at something, it may be tough to eat for a while and when you are successful, you would have to defend yourself each time someone wanted to take whatever you had.

To answer this question, each of you first has to ask another question, “How much risk am I willing to take?”  See, risk is the sliding scale that connects Security and Freedom.  If you are risk adverse you are going to slide to the left.  You want a lot of protections in your life and you generally want these protections from the government.  Those who feel vulnerable, especially the poor and elderly, also tend to slide left.  There is nothing wrong with this worldview, but you cannot disparage those who do not share your worldview.  Just because you may be content where you are in life, you cannot deny those who are not content. On the other side, if you are willing to live with more risk and the freedom to make your own choices, there is enormous upside.  You can go wherever your abilities and dreams will take you.  But you must also realize that you will probably fail at many things you do.  And when you fail, if you are truly a person who demands freedom, you have to pick yourself up and get on with life.  No excuses or bailouts.  You must be accountable for all of your actions.

Unfortunately, since we live in a world with other people our risk comfort zone has to adjust to outside forces.  Even the most freedom loving person recognizes that evil exists in the world and someone, something greater is needed to fight evil.  In the extreme, all freedom loving people would band together for the mutual defense of their freedom.  This is exactly how the colonies did it.  They had no standing army.  Each town had a militia and all of the adult males were in the militia.  When the British army came, they only had themselves to call on.  On the frontier, it was each man for himself.  But, over time, they chose to have others, the military, the police, and the sheriff to handle this role.  In exchange, they give up some freedom, read taxes, to pay for this function.  But it was a trade that the free people were willing to make and it is the defense system that we have today.

And then there are the vulnerable.  Extreme freedom is very Darwinian, the weak perish and the strong survive.  Over time weak genes are eliminated and the species thrives.  The only problem with this version of life is that the human, unlike the rest of the mammals on earth, has been given a spirit that is sensitive to all life and is moved to protect the weak and vulnerable.  Free societies attacked this problem in the past through charities and religious organizations.  People gave freely from their means and the great benevolent institutions of today, think of hospitals, bear the names of benefactors or religious institutions.  But during the 20^th Century, benevolence and religious beliefs began to wane and secular progressivism began to grow.  Since secular progressivism did not end the vulnerability of the people, government had to begin funding where benevolence began to diminish.  Since government is not an organic being, meaning it cannot create its own wealth; it must take from the people to support the charities it replaces.  Now, if the trade off was exactly one for one, such as the defense argument above, this might be willing trade off.  But where a person may willingly give to a local orphanage where the workers view their work as a ministry and most of the donations go to the children, the same person may object to the government orphanage that becomes more of an employment opportunity for the worker where most of the taxes goes to wages and benefits, not to the children.  Then, because it is not local anymore and no one really knows who works at the orphanage, an oversight board needs to be created, usually staffed with high paid experts.  As government orphanages are established across the country, there is a need for a coordinating board of even higher paid experts that makes sure that the Connecticut orphanages and the Alabama orphanages are managed in exactly the same way.  The orphanages are now run by highly paid experts and the taxpayer has no control or say over how much money is spent on orphanages.  What appears to be security for the orphan is a loss of freedom for the taxpayer.  After some point in time no one asks if the orphan is better off in a costly government orphanage system or in a less expensive religious orphanage, it is just the way it is.  As the government grows into other areas of life, it places an external push to the left away from freedom and toward security, regardless of the belief or desire of the citizen.  As government does more, it needs more, which means it needs to tax more.  More taxes, less freedom.  As the government continues to increase what it provides, more risk adverse people sign up for the provisions.  Soon the beneficiaries of all of the government spending will only vote for those who will continue the spending.  To feed the spending, taxes need to go up again. The more, well, you see where this is going.

Today we sit in a deeply divided country.  There are those who have traded many of their freedoms for government benefits.  They may not like the choice of their food, but they have food stamps.  They may not like the school their children attend, but the kids get a free lunch, and breakfast, and soon take home food for the weekend.  They may not have a car, but they get subsidized bus service.  They do not get to see the doctor they want and the wait is long, but they do not have to pay for the doctor they eventually do see.  And the list goes on and on.  Not a whole lot of freedom to chose, but they have the security of a government check and benefits.  Then there are those who are being told to pay for the benefit of others; those who want to chose where to live and how to work and how much to risk for potential reward.  They are willing work long hours, drive older cars or miss a few meals to invest in their dreams, but when they are successful, they want the freedom to do with their success as they chose, not as others tell them.  In our national discourse, the first are called lazy and the latter are called greedy.

Ok, I posed the question, so which is better, Security or Freedom?  In the end only you can answer the question.  But I will say this.  If you find yourself on the left and want a strong beneficiary government that takes the risk out of your life, be thankful for those who are successful.  As I mentioned before, government cannot create wealth and your benefits only come from those that prosper.  If you find yourself on the right and want the freedom to conduct your affairs as you desire, do not complain when you fail, because you will fail somewhere along the way.  And it may be a devastating failure.  Do not blame others.  Be accountable for your own actions.  Pick yourself up and go at it again.  But do be generous in your success.  As your generosity increases, the scorn of others diminishes.

I will close with a brief story of Pedroza, a man I met recently on a business trip.  Pedroza is from a northern province of Ethiopia.  After spending 3 years in prison for not supporting the dictator of his country, he was freed after a bribe to authorities from his uncle and began several years of travel through Sudan, South Africa, Uganda, Brazil, Venezuela, Columbia, Honduras, Guatemala, Mexico and finally gaining asylum in the US after being caught by the US border patrol in South Texas.  His story may be for another article, but when he finished telling it to me; I asked him one last question.  What is the best thing that you like about America?  Without hesitation and with much enthusiasm he exclaimed, FREEDOM!

There will be a choice in 2012.  You may worry about immigration or gay marriage or Afghanistan or the federal deficit or birth certificates or Mormons or how many times someone has been married, but when it comes time for you to make your decision, make sure you understand what is most important to you.  If you land on the side of security, pray that those you hand your freedom to be honest and fair to all.  If you land on the side of freedom, pray that you have the strength of character not to forget those in need.

The Year of the Question

By Dave Roberson

A Terrible Awful No Good Very Bad Day

Alexander and I had a pretty similar day today.

No, I did not wake up with gum in my hair nor eat lima beans for dinner and my best friend didn't desert me....but like Alex, I did have a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.  

It all started Sunday to be honest.  I woke up with that God Awful feeling that you know strep is coming around the corner, ready to attack.  My throat was on fire and by the end of the day, that early sick feeling was coming.  So, like Dr. Jill requested, I gargled my hot salt water, took an Advil PM (that was my own prescription) and passed out by 8:00.  I woke up this morning feeling a little better, but when I got to school, I noticed my throat was scratchy.  ( I didn't notice until school, because I have no other Human contact before 7:00 usually, so of course I don't talk aloud).   Awesome, I get to spend all day with a scratchy throat.  Good thing my kids were doing a reading and doing a group activity and I didn't have to speak all day.  Well, group activities normally go great with my kids, since they have the attention span of a 3 year old and they can't focus on a 45 min. lecture.  But today was different.  They couldn't focus at all.  All they had to do was sit down, read and answer 14 questions.  14!!!!!!!!!!!! Not a whole lot.  I even told them that they would see all 14 of these questions in some way, shape or form on the test they have on Wednesday.  WEDNESDAY.  14 TEST QUESTIONS!  No, they wouldn't focus for long enough to do their darn work.  (Side note: I do have some awesome, hard workers who I definitely take notice and appreciate) That frustrated the BAJEEZES out of me.  So, tomorrow we are going over all of the information, old school powerpoint style.  At least I have pretty pictures to show them.  Anywho, after lunch I was so side tracked with trying to get kids to focus and getting other students their make-up work from last week, that I forgot to lock my phone back up.  BIG MISTAKE.  After the final bell rang, I finally made it back to my desk only to notice that my phone had disappeared into the sticky hands of a little darling.  I was PISSED.  I checked EVERYWHERE and it was nowhere to be seen.  I even went back into other teacher's rooms, the bathroom, the work room, the AP's office in our wing, NADDA.  So I cancelled my old man of an I-Phone, cried my way to my mom's house to pick up my 5 year old Ghetto-fabulous Samsung and drove to the AT&T store.  When I got there I was excited to hear that my contract was up and I was actually due for an upgrade.  So, I thought about it and decided it was time anyway to upgrade my 3G to a 4S.  That is a HUGE leap in software.  I just went from an Oldsmobile to a Mercedes in phones.  At the end of the day, I was excited to have a new phone, but very disappointed with my students.  I have no idea how to motivate them, and I'm frustrated because I care so much, put so much effort into teaching them and they don't even care.  I say they, but really only mean a small percentage.  I hate how a small number of kids can be so exhausting.


I definitely had a case of the Mondays.

 Please God I pray that this week will go more smoothly.

32 Truths of Life

My co-worker sent this out  and I think I have read it before somewhere else, but I want to share the 32 Truths of Life with you. 

32 truths of life……

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

6. Was learning cursive really necessary? (my MeMe and I had this conversation on Christmas Day and we decided......It totally is)

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I knowhow to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.



13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.


19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin

 with Miller Lite than Kay.

20. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

22. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.   (I owe this to living in the dorm for 3 years)

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?

29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists. (This one I don't agree with)

31. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!   

Self Esteem

So My dad decided that he is going to have a cameo position on my blog.  I said, "Let's do it!" because he is one wise man and we think a lot alike.  Ok, lets be real, we read each other's minds.  So, here is Dave Roberson................

During the Holiday Season, which now seems to run from the weekend before Thanksgiving until the weekend after New Years Day, you seem have more down time than the rest of the year.  You find yourself with family and friends and have time to wander into topics that you may not during the rest of the year.  It was during one of these days of having some down time that I got into a discussion about people in general and self esteem in particular.  It caused me to think, when did self esteem become such a big deal?  Or better yet, why was it invented?  When I was young, that was during the Kennedy and Johnson Administrations, I never remember anyone worrying about my self esteem.  When I did something wrong I got whacked and was told not to do that again.  Seemed like a simple choice for me going forward, change my behavior or get whacked again.  During the holidays I spent some time with the next older generation.  I asked some of those who grew up during the FDR Administration if anyone ever remembered someone being concerned about their self esteem.  The answer again was no.  So, when did self esteem enter the culture?  Seems I now had a quest.

Let’s start with a definition.  I opened my 1976 American Heritage Dictionary to page 1176 and found one of the shortest definitions in the dictionary, self-esteem n. Pride in oneself.  Well now that is interesting.  With pride being number one among the seven deadly sins, does this sound like something we want to heap upon our children?  But maybe back in the primitive years of the Ford Administration we really did not have a full understanding of self esteem.  I mean, man was just learning how to stand upright and starting to venture outside of the cave.  So I took a look at what modern pop culture says about self esteem.  I keyed it into Wikipedia on Al Gore’s great invention and wow! 35 years makes a world of difference.  It now takes several pages to say “pride in oneself”.  But just like your favorite infomercial on cable television there’s more.  It adds a belief system, an evaluation process, and on and on.  There is however one little piece of information that Wikipedia puts in its Introduction that I find very informative.  “It is not the “facts” about one-self but rather what one believes to be true about one-self (Sarah Mercer, p. 14). Early researchers used self-concept as a descriptive construct, such as ‘I am an athlete’ (Rosenberg 1979).”  So it is comforting to know that when you are evaluating yourself facts do not matter.  If you are 40 pounds overweight you should not immediately jump to the conclusion that you are fat, but rather, if you want to preserve your self esteem, you could say that you occupy a greater presence on this earth than those who are not 40 pounds overweight.  It is also instructive as to why the 1976 definition was so short.  Early research did not even start until 1979.

What does this mean?  To me it means that self esteem is a luxury of a very pampered, “me focused” culture.  When you fight for survival each and every day you have no time nor desire to evaluate yourself; you just want to make it to tomorrow.  But when you have plenty of food in your belly (especially if someone else provides it), a warm bed to sleep in at night, and plenty of time on your hands, you can sit around and worry about your self esteem.  And it is my guess that  the more you focus on yourself, the less you are worried about those around you.  When parents raise their children with a focus on their self esteem, the world starts to revolve around the child.  When the child grows to adulthood, what kind of value system will that child have?  My guess is not a very healthy one.  You might invent financial schemes that greatly enrich yourself to the detriment of others.  You might vote for leaders that promise goodies that other people have to pay for.  And when you have an entire nation of people worried first and foremost what is in it for them, you have a nation that is probably headed for the history book.

To summarize.  From the beginning of humankind (whenever that was) until the end of World War II, no one seems to have worried about self esteem.  In our part of the world we were too busy building a country, re-building it again after the Civil War, climbing out of a Depression and saving the world from facism.  In fact, one could say self esteem was not even a favorable attribute.  When people encountered problems, they faced it.  Popular phrases were “may the best man win” and “he was the last man standing”.  And as I recall, our country was considered by most as the greatest the planet had ever seen.  Then a new normal began to take over the mainstream culture.  Excellence and winning were replaced by attending and trying.  We created games with no winners or losers in which everyone gets a trophy, taught to the lowest performing students, and spoke no critism of anyone or anything.  The result is that we are not raising the next “Greatest Generation”, but rather we birthed the “Occupy Movement”.  Do you hear anybody talk about personal accountability?  I do not.  But let’s hope the Chinese, who do excel and try to win and who also own most of our nation’s debt, will be sensitive to our self esteem.

Self Esteem – Who invented it and why did it become such a big deal?

By Dave Roberson

A New York Thanksgiving

So over Thankgsiving Break, I decided to ditch the fam and go to New York for 5 days.  My best friend in the WHOLE world, Ali, lives there and since she had to work and I didn't, I went to her.  Plus, it was a great vacation.  Here is how my 5 days of Awesomeness went down. 

Checked My stocks at Wall Street (they were actually up) 

Went for a Nice LONG walk 

On this little bridge 

and through Battery Park 

Saw Some museums 

Saw some tall buildings 

Drank  a lot of Java 

And even cooked our OWN Thanksgiving Dinner at one pretty swanky downtown apartment! 

The Awesome Kitchen we used 

We were going to make Sweet Potatoes and decided we wanted to mix and match with Yams

 Ali peeling the roots 

our invention of green bean casserole (canned green beans, organic butter, whole foods brand Potato Garlic Soup) 

"Sweet Potatoes" mixed with organic cane sugar, 

stolen cinnamon from the Whole Foods coffee shop and the glorious marshmallows.   

 (the people's apartment did not have very many cooking ingredients or supplies, 

so we worked with what we had)

We might have thrown a marshmallow or 10

We found organic stuffing for the Vegetarian  

And since Ali does not eat any meat other than Fish, 

we decided to have salmon cakes.  

Then we had to cook it all with one small oven which took a while...

So we took a photo break 

And then it was done

 (our bread crumbs were actually Veggie Chips)

We found a Candelabra, popped open the wine, pulled the cornbread and fish out of the oven  and ate our Thanksgiving Dinner out on the "Terrace" (that is what rich people call a balcony)

Oh we also found these individual, pre-made, Pecan Pies at Whole Foods and ended up having that for desert.  There was no time for pictures because they were gone very quickly.  

S***T My Students Say

Why Did the Chicken go to KFC?
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To See a Chicken, Strip!